Fear of Losing !
Sitting in a waiting room at an Ultrasound center, I was thinking of baby names. My name was called to collect the reports. Instead of handing over me the report she asked me to sit and have some water. I sensed something wasn’t right
As an expectant parent, there’s one sentence that no one wants to hear: “There’s something wrong with the baby.” I heard those dreaded words during my child’s ultrasound when the baby was at 24 weeks gestation.
The radiologist told me the baby is suffering from CDH (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia), she further explained that the intestine is pushing our baby’s heart over the right side of its chest and which may hinder his lung growth. After a few minutes, she called in a doctor to study the ultrasound, who then ordered a series of additional testing.
In an instant, my first-time mom excitement was gone. Baby pictures were the furthest thing from my mind; all I could think about now was genetics consultations, fetal MRIs, fetal echo-cardiograms. For the first time, I felt the fear of losing. Losing my unborn baby!
What I did that my baby is having this: I asked the technician. She told nothing, it’s not about you, it’s a condition. 1 in 2000 babies suffers from this. Why my baby, I was in tears. She couldn’t answer that.
I don’t really know how, but I somehow regained enough composure to go back home. It was the first time I heard about Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). CDH is when a fetus develops with a hole in its diaphragm, or without a diaphragm at all. Without a barrier between the lungs and other organs, the baby’s stomach or intestine can travel upwards sometimes shifting the heart and often complicating lung development. An unborn baby breathes through the umbilical cord and his lungs actually start working at the time he is born.
The whole night I was reading available literature on the internet and that continued until the day the baby was born. Sleepless nights and stressful days. After all my study the conclusion was “ It will all depend on if the baby breathes after birth then only something can be done.”
The next rounds of tests were scheduled. All the doctors were compassionate and the positivism they displayed when discussing our baby’s prognosis was a great comfort, though they were careful not to get our hopes up with promises as they themselves didn’t know whether he could make it or not.
A fetal MRI confirmed his suspicion: Our baby would be born with CDH. On the plus side, The lung to head ratio was good. Based on the results we were apprehensive but optimistic, because deep down we knew our baby was going to be a fighter.
Finally, the day arrived. 30th December 2014 baby was born. Baby boy. I forgot all my pain and was screaming at the doctor please let me know if he is breathing or not. She did not reply. The fear of losing surrounded me all over again. I started losing his sight and felt unconscious.
When I gained my consciousness I was told my son is in NICU. I was impatient , wanted to see him.Seeing his tiny face surrounded by tubes and wires in the NICU was scary. I couldn’t control my tears.
The very next day his CDH surgery was performed.I was allowed to see him immediately after his surgery. He got 10 stitches on his left chest.Scars are there still !
After care of the surgery was really crucial. He as kept in an isolated ward so that he don’t catch any infection, which could result in slow recovery and septic on the stitches.
He spent the next two weeks in NICU. The aftercare was really important. The day he was discharged was the day when I first time took him in my arms and hugged. We named him Anjaneya.
After having intensive surgery at just a day old, it’s amazing to see Anjaneya thrive. He is doing great, and his lungs are improving every year. He still has trouble gaining weight, but we manage that with supplements, appetite stimulants, and a high caloric diet.
Now when I am writing this, Anjaneya is writing on the walls of the room .We are so grateful to all the people for the care that Anjaneya received in his time of need.God bless !
